I have a fridge magnet at home (among many others), that says ‘My house was clean last week. Sorry you missed it’! Not sure why I am mentioning that, but I had to start this blog somewhere I guess.
On 25 March, hubby and I celebrated 40 years of wedded ‘bliss’. In those 40 years, we bought a little house, produced a couple of unruly kids (and kept them for some reason until they were 18), bought an old jalopy (and kept it until it became an older jalopy) and accrued a cat who has more issues than me (if that is at all possible). We also engaged in lots of arguments and disagreements!
Out of all the items listed above, there is only one which I can bear talking about. The house.
We bought our house from an old lady who had lived in it since it was built. She moved in aged 22 and left aged 83! Her reason for moving was that she couldn’t manage the garden anymore. Well, I’m a couple of decades younger than she was, and can’t manage it now! This in-spite of it getting smaller over the decades! More of that later.
When we first moved in, safety was a big issue for Mr M and so the first thing he wanted to do was get the boiler checked out. So I rang a few buddies and got the name of a reputable plumber who sure enough proved to be great at boiler fixing. The first thing he said was the boiler was dangerous and should be replaced. My hubby in his infinite wisdom decided it was fine as it was and the guy was just trying it on! So the boiler stayed and was only replaced by a new younger version three years ago. How we survived safely all those years goodness only knows.
The plumber also looked at our cooker and put up a big red notice saying it was dangerous and shut off the gas etc. We had had that cooker for almost 20 years (having bought it second hand from an old guy whose plumber had told him it was dangerous)! We did finally get a new one which is also now old and needs to go to cooker heaven sooner rather than later.
As the plumber was so good at his job, Mr M decided to ask him to build a patio for us. I have never understood the connection between plumbing and building (patios), but the guy was very keen to start work on this exciting new project in his gas leak finding career.
The work started in earnest and before I knew what was happening, our apple and mulberry trees were gone. Another couple of trees we had (I sadly never knew their names), also disappeared only to be replaced by a huge crater. Thankfully, the guy did have some building skills (we later learned that he had never built anything before in his life), and built the long awaited patio. There was just one snag. It was around 20’ bigger than we had anticipated! Apparently he had miscalculated somewhere along the line and just couldn’t work out where.
Never mind said Mr M, at least the kids will have a big space to run on. What was wrong with running on grass I thought to myself. The patio proved a big hit. Literally. The kids kept falling on it and constantly hurting themselves on the hard concrete. After numerous visits to A&E, I was worried that suspicions would be raised as to what I was doing to my offspring. I took to taking the phone number of a good lawyer to bed with me just in case there was a knock on the door. Mr M wasn’t concerned however and thought it would toughen them up!
Years later, while tidying up the loft, Mr M decided it would be good to have a shed built in the garden to house all the clutter. What garden? It was mostly taken up by the ginormous patio! Mr M was insistent and before you could say ‘rubbish’, there were ‘builders’ crawling all over the space (the plumber had luckily retired by then, otherwise the shed would have gone over into the neighbours’ gardens)!
Since the patio construction fiasco, we had replaced the lost trees. Now they were being destroyed again. The plum tree went as did all my beautiful and lovingly planted bulbs and shrubs. Very soon though, we had a shed. What with a patio at one end of the garden and a shed at the other, there is no longer any space to swing a cat (believe me, I have tried)! The ‘lawn’ sits forlornly in the middle of both not quite sure what its use is.
Mr M decided the shed looked too good to use for clutter and would be used as office space instead. I couldn’t understand his need for an office as he doesn’t work from home, doesn’t have a computer, computer chair, desk or even any files. It was only later that I realised the whole reason for the shed was for him to have an escape from yours truly. After 40 years of marriage, he seems to think he needs a break. I can’t understand this myself.
The loft is still full of clutter and my recent (rare) foray into it produced items I thought I had long discarded. My son’s potty (he is now 35), cot bedding (from both kids’ cots), a tricycle bought to shut up my son when he was having a particularly bad Terrible Twos Tantrum (when he was 15), the one Valentine’s Day card Mr M ever bought me, the one bottle of Chanel No 5 perfume Mr M ever bought me (he later admitted having got it from a guy in a khaki raincoat (not Columbo sadly) in Walthamstow High Street for a fiver!
Other than the above, I also discovered my children’s toys, games, clothes, old wallpapers (might come in handy one day), old tins of paint (might come in handy one day), old locks (not sure why they were kept) and old tiles used to tile the kitchen floor and bathroom (might come in handy one day).
When we bought the house, it was in pretty good nick. Everything was clean and tidy and although it looked a little tired, it did the job. Mr M being a cautious kind of guy, had a full comprehensive survey done prior to the purchase to ensure there would be no nasty surprises later for him to fix.
The Survey showed that the roof would need to be replaced but the Surveyor said it would last the next two years or so and not to worry. 30 years later, we still have the same roof!
In the 30 years, since we moved in, we did do quite a bit to the house but never got around to the kitchen. So, the result is that my ‘kitchen’ still looks like something straight out of a camping magazine. I mean camping and not ‘glamping’.
I am ashamed to admit that the house looked better when an 83 years old lady had it. Years of abuse (by both kids and the cat), have taken their toll and made the house look very much like what Shakin Stevens sang about all those years ago. Here’s to another 30 years of Carry on Camping!
Having said all the above, I realise the importance of safety in the home, especially around boilers and fire alarms for families. It is essential to have fire alarms fitted and regular checks done on boilers. I think this message could be broadcast more widely as many families still do not have these basic safety procedures in place.
I might have been saying it in an irreverent way, but safe places to play for children are so important too. This is why we at RCYPN are so proud to be part of the UNICEF Child Friendly Borough initiative. We hope that together, we can make the borough safer for all our children.
